Here I am, in my home in Dublin, in the house that is my home but it’s not. In the house where my toothbrush is, all of my trainers and fridge shelf with smoked salmon. Atlantic is merciless outside but it’s nice and cozy in bed. Tonight I could actually see the sunset yet, my eyes are fixed on the map. Some African countries are yellow, Brazil is color green and Europe is a huge mess. And I feel homesick…
Ever since I left my hometown at the age of 13, my parent’s house at the age of 18 and my country when I was 25, I was homesick. Now I know what I was homesick for.
Beautiful, crazy, sparkly people. My people. The tribe.
Whether we met on a bus, in a hostel room or trekking through jungles, our souls connected. Feeling each others came as a soothing experience. “Look, I am not lonely! You see me!” We tried new foods and languages together. We searched to find the serene where the chaos was. We found love in childlike excitements and by doing so together, we reclaimed our freedom. Remember when we were walking around the Merrion park, comforting each other? Remember our island life and driving through the Vietnamese rice fields?
I am homesick for deep conversations and pain we shared. I am homesick for how You made me feel. I am homesick for You.
“Let the darkness find you if it must. Throw off the quick and tempting escapes, and seek help only from those who would teach you to grow, feed your soul, embrace your heart but would not steal away your journey”,
I learned one important lesson a few days ago. When the world gets darker, go to your people. Surrround yourself with those who see the greatness within you when you fail to see it yourself. I am so blessed to have my soul intertwined with so many like minded dreamers around the world. And no matter how scattered we became, we are still here for each other. Because that’s what the tribe does. The people who will become your people don’t waste time on small talk as they are too busy bringing out the best version of you, for You. Your tribe is here when needed to remind you how beautiful your heart is.
“C’mon Iva… Make a decision and fly girl, fly..”, Katty told me, inviting me to her home in Argentina.
“Come!”, said my friend Edi, who left beautiful Koh Phangan island in Thailand where we shared many amazing moments, and is now in Japan. “Come!”, he repeated, making my heart dance.
“Te esperamos”, said my Spanish mom Luiza. “We are waiting for you”.
My tribe felt I am not myself so they reached out for me. They promised me mountains and neon jungles, sunsets in Uruguay and garden hammocks. That’s why leaving. Leaving for me is never running away from something. It is rather running towards a better version of myself. Towards everyhing I am ready to burn for.
So tonight I am homesick.
I am homesick for all of You.